Dallas Loved the Ladies

 

Dallas loved the ladies. Ladies loved Dallas. His parents named him after the city of his birth. Not very original. But most names are not original. When they are, they aren't well received. Better to blend in. Blending in is safe. But Dallas never blended in the same way a giant rooster can't go unnoticed. 

Dallas crossed the street one day and caused several wrecks in the process. This happened on more than one occasion.

He stood several inches taller than most men. His biceps pulled at his short sleeves. His chest muscles rounded under his shirt. Of course he had a flat stomach. But that wasn't it. 

Not a bad looking guy. But was no Elvis. However, he did have great hair. He wore the hair a little long. Not long, in the "Point Break," Patrick Swayze quaffed way. But it was still a mullet. It was long and greasy, like it had been dipped in bacon grease or chicken fried. He was like Tim McGraw with good hair. And, as is the case with Tim McGraw, women often said, “there's just something about him.” 

And his smile. It drew women in like a tractor-beam.

That something about him meant had many things about him. And these things, these attributes, made life easier for him. And harder. 

Harder in the sense that these attributes sometimes got him in trouble. 

Dallas rarely had to work because he always had a sugar-mama or a few sugar-mamas. Dallas really was a good guy, so his popularity wasn't confined to women. Men liked to hang out with him because he always had great stories, and subconsciously, men wanted to be him.

Not everyone felt so positively about Dallas though. One night Dallas went home with a woman named Shelia after knocking back a few Buds at the roadside bar, Honky Tonk Angel. He didn't see a ring on her finger. Shelia left it home that night.

How was a guy to know? Not that it ever stopped Dallas before.

"What’s he doing in my bed?"

The male voice roused Dallas from sleep. But he couldn't make out the words.

“Don't blame him, he didn't know."

"How did he not know you were married? Where's your ring?"

Her truck-driver-husband, Archie, got home early from a cross-country haul.

Shelia mixed up her arrival dates. Dallas stared at the cuckolded husband, who was momentarily paralyzed. Archie regained his composure and swung clumsily at Dallas. He missed. Dallas scooped up his clothes and shoes off the floor. He lit out like he had a fire under his ass. He never did get the husband's name. A few months later, Dallas was drinking a Bud at Honky Tonk Angel, when a process-server slapped him with a summons. Elmwood Jones. was suing him. 

 "Who is Elmwood Jones?” Then he read further. It was Shelia's husband. Archie wasn't his real name. Mr. Jones was suing him for alienation of affection. of affection, an antiquated cause of action for cuckolded husbands and jilted wives.

Dallas retained a lawyer paid for by one of his sugar-mamas. The case went to trial. 

Dallas took the stand. "I didn't know she was married." He spread his hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean nothing by it." 

Female jurors and male jurors nodded sympathetically. Women smiled at him. Some even licked their lips, a sign Dallas knew to look for when chasing women.

The jury came back with a $1 verdict against Dallas. After the trial, Jones's lawyer asked a few of the jurors why they didn't find more damages. There were ten women jurors and two male jurors, a dead give away to any good lawyer. But Archie couldn't afford a good lawyer. He got the town drunk, who somehow managed to not get disbarred. 

A sweat little old lady "he reminds me of my grandson.” 

Another juror said, “I watched Law & Order once, and they said something about mens rea being necessary. Dallas didn't have that. Besides, he is a good old boy, and I wouldn’t mind knocking back a few Buds with him."
 

Jones saw a pretty blonde named Crystal slip Dallas her phone number as the two walked out of the courthouse. "That bastard.” Archie would never get it.